And so, now, we have reached the day of brain surgery to remove a very large meningioma from my pulsing little brain. This from Kenny:

Update: surgery started at 10:45. Nurse says prep and anesthesia went well.

Update; Nurse says surgery is "progressing well and Cynthia's vital signs are good". Nurse says it will be a long day. She will update me again in an hour.

Latest: Surgeons are "inside" and beginning the removal process. Vital signs are strong.

2pm Update: OR Nurse says surgery is still going well. Vitals are still strong. Nurse also says they are "nowhere close to closing up”.

3:27 Update: Nurse says "we're still working and making progress". All vital signs are good and strong. Nurse says doctors are still over Cynthia with a microscope. Nurse is not sure how much longer they will be. She hopes to have a better sense on time when she calls again in 60 minutes.

4:32pm Update: Nurse says she hates to sound like a broken record, but the latest is they "are still working” on her. Nurse says she still cannot estimate how much time is left. She emphasized that no news is really good news. A former neighbor of ours is a doctor in the heart unit at this hospital. He was kind enough to go into the O.R. Room where Cynthia is. He knows the surgeons. He says everything is going well. He said the "mass" being removed is large. Very large. He said he thought the operation is more than half way though. Best to all.

Nurse says they are closing up. Will be finished in about 45 minutes. We'll see the doctor in about an hour.

About 5:30: Doctor says he is pleased with the outcome. Waiting on pathology but he feels the tumor was/is benign. Mass was the size of his fist. He got most of it. Had to leave some that rests on a sensitive brain nerve. She is still in recovery, then moves to ICU for 2-3 days, then to a hospital room for a few days. Prognosis is good. But doctor says there is no way to predict how the brain will react from this time forward. The return of mobility is unpredictable. The threat of a seizure remains, with a higher probability in the near term and less as time goes by. Recovery nurse just called. Cynthia is extremely groggy and will be for a few hours, but she knows her name and where she is. So she is on to ICU. The awesome news is... The days of waiting and a marathon surgery are behind her, and she made it! A lot of unknowns still lie ahead, but we'll deal with those one day at a time. I'll see her in a few minutes. They've prepared us for the facial impact of brain surgery. But she will still be a beautiful sight to all of us. More to come. My best to all.

Best to everyone. All in all, a very blessed day!

Did I mention that I’m married to a saint? After 34 years, the bell rings and he wins his wings. I should note that we both have very strong personalities. It is entirely possible that we each found the only person we could be married to this long.

Thursday 10/24  AM Update: she's very, very groggy this morning.... Slipping in and out of consciousness due to medication to control pain. Speech is extremely slow and slurred. As she so eloquently responded when a new nurse asked her how she is feeling; "shitty" she said.

On morphine and narco. Pathology report may not be back for 3-5 days... Samples were sent to outside lab. She has very positive movement on her left side which the doctors say is very encouraging. Vitals signs are strong. Still on oxygen. Very limited "bruising" on her face. Top and back of skull will be bandaged for some time. But she looks remarkably good considering what she's been through. She's definitely sleeping now. Best to all.

Here is something I’ll bet you don’t know about brains.

Brains are not very firm if you are alive. The firm brain-thing is when they have been preserved. Live brains are loose. Getting a brain tumor out of that mess is no easy thing. The neurosurgeon told me so and I did believe him, really I did, but as soon as I got home and had time to look it up, I started watching tumor-removal surgeries. Note to anyone with a meningioma - do not do this. Nothing good will come of it.

By the way, there is a world of video on the Internet you should not watch during your recovery. I’m not speaking of porn – stay away from the removal of cysts, pimples, and blackheads. This is a downside of having time on your hands during recovery.

I’ve stopped that. Instead, I have become a lover of cute doggy pictures. And kitties. And any video that makes the doggies talk or sing. The downside of this is that I send this cuteness to my friends, and I suspect that many of them see my posts and get my emails and think, “And she used to be so bright. Pity.”

But, back to brain tumors. Interestingly, one of the symptoms of a meningioma is depression. I wish I had known this – or that the tumor was scooped out earlier. I have fought depression for years. (Probably as long as the tumor has been growing.) I’ve taken pills, indulged in positive thinking, whistled a happy tune – but I’ve still had the cloud over my head.

As I’ve recovered, I’ve described this mood change to everyone who will listen. I’ve had a big rock hanging over my head for years. It cast a shadow, dark and deep.

And then, when the tumor was removed, within just days – I was not depressed. Remarkable. It is hard to believe that the depression was organic. And so, not only was I cheerful (largely fake) going into this, I was ridiculously cheerful (genuine) coming out. It makes me feel very strange to be this organically happy.

It had always been my contention that if you weren’t depressed then you were: not very bright; not paying attention; unaware of the facts; or deluding yourself. What a smug little bitch.