Now for Some Serious Theater

Now for Some Serious Theater

Well, not “Death of a Salesman” serious, exactly.

I got such good response from my Broadway musical draft, “The Last Straight Man on Broadway” (actually 2 comments which is about 200% more than I usually get – my readers are a taciturn lot), that I have decided to dip my rather large toes into the fetid pond that is serious theater.

I haven’t decided on a title, but I’m working on it. The play tells the story of a woman who can be counted on to make the wrong decision about everything. From men to hair, makeup to breakup – she’s on the wrong side of the 50/50 split.

This idea springs from my idea that everything in the world is, at heart, binary. Off or on, up or down, right or wrong – when you scrape away all of the moss we use to cover it up, there is always an either/or choice – and one of the two is almost always correct.

We open Act One, with our heroine considering the wreckage of her life. (That always seems the theme of serious stuff.) Maybe she is working this through with a therapist and spends a fair amount of the play on the couch. She has the idea that something is wrong, but simply cannot figure out what it is. (Of course, as she recounts her life moments, we see her up and playing the recalled scene.)

We have to start with childhood, of course. She probably makes a horrible little friend and dumps her stalwart, really nice little playmate. No doubt she will choose to lie to her mother about something that doesn’t matter, just to stay out of trouble. She breaks something trivial but hides the evidence. And gets in trouble.

It should be noted that this girl is not a sociopath. She just has very, very poor judgment and it never gets any better as she grows up.

We will see her as a teen. Of course she will choose the wrong friends and the meanest, bad-est boy to lose her heart to. (He cannot be redeemed. This is not John Travolta in “Grease”.) Of course her heart breaks. He might even lead her into some sort of minor criminal enterprise. We will have multiple examples of when she says “yes” or “no”, it is exactly the opposite what good sense would tell you. She is just so absolutely clueless. We need the audience to feel mounting frustration with her. I would like to build the audience distress to a point where they are (mentally, at least) shouting at her, “Don’t do that again!”

On the couch, she continues to tell her analyst that she just cannot figure out why her life has always been such a mess. Lacking any insight at all, she defends all of her choices. “My mom was always hard on me; she never understood me.” “But he was such a nice guy. Nobody loved him like I did. I never believed he stole that car.”

We crawl with her through one situation to another…and each time we will see the choice – this car or that one? – this house or the other?. We will be able to see the disaster coming from ten miles out. In a world of either/or, she always yes, but.

I think it would be very good to have the analyst grow increasingly frustrated with her. Maybe the analyst starts calling her friends and family, because he just cannot believe that anyone would be able to infallibly choose the wrong way to go. Maybe the analyst is moved to call his analyst friends because she is driving him crazy.

In Texas, it’s said that “even a blind hog can find an acorn now and then” (maybe that’s said in other places, too, I don’t know) but our girl has never found the acorn.

                                               

Intermission

In the Second Act of this two-act wonder, the “yes” man shows up in her life. There needs to be some kind of inside-out “meet cute” – she needs to begin with an absolute dislike of this man. This is a very good sign that he’s a good guy.

He represents everything she should say “yes” to. He represents the 4 S’s – single, straight, sober, solvent and he is handsome. Unaccountably, he adores her and treats her well. She finds herself moving from being annoyed to kind of liking him.

No doubt she will discuss the situation with her analyst, who by this time is a mere shadow of the professional we met at the opening. He’s developed an ulcer, migraines, and he’s worried about losing his license to practice. She is, literally driving him crazy.

The dramatic tension is whether or not she will choose “Mr. Right”. She tells her friends and her analyst that she’s dating him “against her better judgment”. This can only be seen as good news..

Now, for the ending. If this is going to truly be “serious theater”, she needs to dump “Mr. Right” because she’s met an ex-con drug dealer in greasy jeans and a wife-beater t-shirt who seems like the better bet.

If we go with a less serious approach, she will say yes to “Mr. Right” and will have a breakthrough with the analyst and will go on to a happy life of better choices, albeit with less drama.

But, perhaps even better…we let the audience vote. Perhaps we stop the play at the moment where “Mr. Right” proposes. “Mr. Greasy Wrong” is on the fringe of the stage – he’s already told her it would be OK with him if they “hang out for awhile”, but she’ll have to pick up the bills. “Mr. Right” is on his knee with a ring. The action freezes…and the analyst steps out to address the audience and asks for a show of hands. Based on the vote, or heroine either says “yes” or “no”…and we move to the end.

I am on the fence as to which ending I prefer. Our heroine has a lifetime of bad choices informing her – she is drawn (unaccountably) to the wrong path each time she has a decision to make. I would like for her to make at least one right choice.

But then the imp in me can see her choosing Mr. Greasy Pants. Why wouldn’t she?

The analyst closes the loop…he will either stand tall and realize that his therapy worked and good for him. Or, he will have a heart attack and die.