Survivor Fatigue

If there is such a thing as “compassion fatigue” – and I think there is, there must be something like it for those of us who are developing new lives after being really, really sick.

You will recall compassion fatigue. It was the discussion de jour after Katrina and that other hurricane, and something else bad happened that I can’t remember, and of course all of the charitable organizations were doing their regular fundraising – then some bright spark decided that people were getting tired of contributing, even though they were hugely sympathetic.

So, for those of us who are recovering from this and that…I have discovered that there is such a thing as survivor fatigue.

It is to be noted that I do not like the word “survivor” used in relation to me. “Survivors” are people on that TV show, or they have lived through a shipwreck and are spelling out “SOS” in the sand.

But, there isn’t really any word that is better, doggone it. (Insert suitable curse words here: consarn it, dagnab it, or anything else Gabby Hayes would say. And if you are not familiar with Mr. Hayes career, you are the poorer for it.)

In the early days of recovery, one is filled with a passion fueled by sheer terror to get better, stronger…not only to be back to “normal” (whatever that was) but to be better than that. At least I was. I was pushing for 110%, minimum.

And it may be that I have succeeded. Although I have some deficits, I can hide most of them. I am filled with gratitude and try to show it.

And yet, I am so very tired of working this hard to make sure everyone (least of all, myself) knows that I have come ROARING back, better than ever.